a speck in the internet

Because I’m such a consumer

bonkabon — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:20:57 +0000

One of my goals this year is to consume less and create more or at least to create a balance between the two. So far I have already watched 3 movies (staying away from rom-coms as much as I can), close to finishing A Dance with Dragons, and finished a saeguk. But so far, I haven’t created anything yet. I find myself consuming and consuming all this goodness but rarely producing something new or substantial out of them. I know that my writing skill is pretty much “meh” nor do I have the knack for drawing out a film or a book’s good and bad points, but I can at least try and exercise some brain cells in the process.

On a slightly related note, I’m glad that I am turning much less of a material consumer. So far so good, no unnecessary purchases and sticking to my budget as much as I can. Hoorah for financial freedom.

One more 2012 goal that I need to work on is being less of a hermit. So Charm, see you this Feb.

Obligatory Year-end Review

bonkabon — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 15:00:52 +0000

2011 is an okay year. God has given me so much blessings, and by His grace I believe that my family’s gonna end this year unscathed even if our neighbors are quite fond of lighting firecrackers here and there every New Year. God has been truly faithful even if I wasn’t. I think I spent a great part (if not entirely) of this year in passivity.

I did a personal annual review wherein I list things under my control (e.g. thesis writing) that went well and things that did not. The former occupied only half a page of my writing pad while the latter filled almost 3 back to back pages (consider that). For the most part of the year I secluded myself from friends and other relations. I figured I’d just show up once I’m through dealing with personal blunders and stuff. It could be tiring to answer questions of “kumusta ka na?” and I really have no substantial answer so I lived a hermetic life. In retrospect, I think I shouldn’t have done that. I can always rely on true friends to point out blindsides and push me to do better, without them I had no leash and lived a life of indulgence (movie marathon etc.).

I just hope and pray for me to be a better life player this 2012 (and also to learn how to apply make-up and other girly stuff) and be found fully prepared should a zombie apocalypse come.

That church event

bonkabon — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 17:34:18 +0000

Realizations for this evening:

I know quite a lot of people in Victory QC but I’m not really comfortable being around them probably because my relationship with most of them is a “hi-hello-bye” basis. I’m still glad to be part of this church though.
I am still socially awkward in big gatherings (and even in small ones).
I always tend to be under-dressed during formal events. I meant to dress-up but I still don’t know how.
I might have gone there because of the food, I left almost right after eating. Well also because my buddy for the evening already left and I’d be more painfully awkward without her.
Ang gwapo ni crush tonight. He is indeed swoon-worthy. He’s even more handsome in red. It’s so refreshing to see him in a civilian outfit instead of a black-collar-dobok. Dear you, you’re the reason why I preferred Kix products over Peak even if Peak had a better model and cheaper products. Nakakatuwa lamang na makita ka in a normal event at hindi sa isang national competition na hindi ko naman maipanalo.
I made an entry in bullets format because I recently find it hard to make my paragraphs coherent.

P.S. Ang landi lamang ng crush-related post.

Clara Chung Live in Manila

bonkabon — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 06:10:30 +0000

Who would like to go with me to see Clara Chung perform live at Music Museum Manila, Dec. 1, 2011, 8pm? I like her but I don’t want to go alone, that would be pathetic though should all else fails, I might.

Dear Social Life

bonkabon — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 15:15:53 +0000

Paalam na ng tunay. Iyon lamang. Hindi na rin ako marunong mag small-talk sa kung kanino man. Ayoko din munang makipagkita kay Ace dahil pinapaalala niya lamang ang mga bagay na hindi ko pa rin tapos pero dapat tapos ko na. Nauubusan na rin ako ng isasagot sa tanong na “kumusta ka?”.At nakakatampo kapag alam mong nagpaplano ang mga kaibigan mo ng lakad na hindi ka naman kasama. Mga bagay nga naman na nagagawa ng facebook.

Bon is Boxing

bonkabon — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 13:09:32 +0000

I know the title is lame, my bad.aha

We got the first blow when the company that tatay used to work for suddenly had to lay off most of its employees, him included. That happened a month ago and now about barely a month from now, we’ll get two more consecutive blows– nanay might lose her job too and if that happens, we’ll also have to give up the house (believe me those issues are connected).

Tatay told me about it very casually and with finality in his tone, while nanay sounded a lot more hopeful. There’s still a slight percentage that we’d be able to keep the house though. There’s no hurt in hoping but to be sure, I ought to work more hours coupled with loads of prayers (I only wish that some my pseudo- loyal students in RJ would stop reserving my lessons for an hour and then cancelling them at the last minute. Students, I need to earn a steady income, please don’t play with my sched, k?)

I’ve always seen myself as the child who would eventually be the one mainly responsible for bringing food on the family table. I have no complaints about that–besides I’m already in charge of the bills, but let me finish my thesis first and buy a little bit more books.

I am already foreseeing that my years as 20-something would be spent in a certain degree of austerity, which explains why I am more adamant to follow this course: not marry, pamper myself once the family is settled, and adopt a lot of cats (or dogs maybe).

On a totally unrelated note, I already have Trese (by Budjette and Kajo) Volumes 1-3 yay!

Back to the Seven Kingdoms

bonkabon — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 13:27:26 +0000

After a month of scavenging for the second installment of A Song of Ice and Fire, I could finally start feasting on A Clash of Kings. It took me 10 bookstores to find a copy. Thanks Fully Booked.

He did it again

bonkabon — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 11:00:26 +0000

I wish I could rant en française right now to make this post less obvious but I still can’t. The least I could do is to use some French words and to heck with grammar.
I mean dude every time you commit for an hour of my leçon, you always cancel at the last minute, almost every single time. This woman has to earn her dough so as to to pay the bills, send my brother to college, and buy more books for my pleasure. Why do you have to screw it up? And mind you, you “toujours prendre les premières leçons”. Do you know how hard it is for me to have those leçons slots taken after you ditch it? I mean I could overlook it if this is just an occasional thing but man why do you have to be so consistent? Suis-je le seul tuteur là-bas? Please don’t mess up with my schedule.

Merci beaucoup Google Translate.

Journal Musings

bonkabon — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 10:51:42 +0000

Below is an excerpt from my latest journal entry:

I guess before, I just know that somehow I’ll be a better person. I thought that becoming better than who I presently am, is part of the natural course of things. If I was able to successfully pull through an event with 50 participants then I can handle an event with 100 participants the next time around. (Well, that’s a pretty lame example but you get my point) Well, I guess I was utterly wrong.

I have to intentionally desire to be a better daughter (to God and my biological parents), better sister (for Jeric), better friend, better discipler, better student, better employee, better K-pop idol (chos!), and all other roles that I play.

It is always easy to slack off –like what I have (hopefully at this point, the tense is Had) been doing. The trap of to be blinded by the “glory” of my past achievements is ever present. I was comfortable and deceivingly contented with my former self. I just spiralled down from where I was.

I can’t be completely honest with anyone now, so I had to resort to my journal and be brutally honest with myself. The excerpt above is just part of my 10pages journal entry for the day and I’m not even finished yet. I think I have forgotten to be competitive. I was reminded last week by a random chat with a friend that I should at least be competitive with myself.

(Le Sigh)

It’s so unlike you to be blue

bonkabon — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 08:57:08 +0000

So don’t be a stranger little darling
Until forever we will root
You won’t ever get the boot
For forever we will root for you!

…because Sondre Lerche is the only one that could deal with my agitation right now. Arggh, this feeling has been persisting for more than a year now. I have lived like this from the latter half of 2010 up until today. I just can’t get anything done even when I try to (or I think I try to). Petty whine done.

God help.